You start off fresh and pure and innocent. Thinking you’re
going to make a difference to others and every day will contain a new
experience. So ignorant and hopeful. Then a few years go on and you find
yourself in the same place you started, a ditch full of little
achievements. You begin to question what you've done and if you’re ever going
to reach your goals, forgetting that you’re only 16 and the world is at your
feet. So, you give up. You stop caring about the little things because you
think they don’t matter. You try and experience ‘new’ things and you try
incredibly hard to do whatever you can to get out of the pessimistic state of
mind you’re in, in order to get the future that you hope one day will come true.
And SNAP. You fall into the mouse trap that the universe, or perhaps even
society, sets out for you.
This is life’s way of pushing you into a state of conformity
in your adolescent time. It is this time that blossoms your instincts of
fitting into the world around you. I am also assuming that this state of
conformity continues even past your adolescent years but forgive me if I’m
wrong, I am myself stuck in the middle of this cycle. But why? Why do we as
humans feel like we have to fit in? Like we’re a puzzle piece, an inanimate
object whose purpose is to complete the picture it was made to create but the
reality is that it usually just gets lost and sometimes never found. We do it
because adolescence isn't what we wanted it to be, and we think conforming to
what everyone else is doing is what is going to bring us happiness. We do it because we want to feel safe and as
if we are completing our sole purpose on this universe and actually doing
something without lives. Fitting in is the easy route to our goals, to our
future. Doing the ordinary thing and sticking with the people doing the same as
you. Is it true? Does it make us happy? Does it feel like we’re making a
difference to other people’s lives, and our own life? I personally just feel
like I’m identical to everyone else but mentally I feel like I should be miles
away from the people around me.
A year ago, I honestly found myself change into someone that
now I would immensely dislike. I wanted to have friends that were ‘cool,’ that
went to amazing parties and wore ‘cool’ clothes. I wanted to be one of those so
called ‘cool’ people that had a 'united' group of friends who stuck up for each
other. In order to get those friends, I didn't stop for anything. I left my old
group of friends who I had known for 8 years. I began to start intoxicating
myself because everyone was doing it at these so called cool parties, going
against certain beliefs and values I had once strongly had faith in. I had
begun to get a little out of control but I was completely oblivious to it,
because I thought I was happy. Then something brought me back to earth. It felt
like it was an unearthly, almost mystical message being sent to get my head out
of the clouds. Something big happened with the ‘cool’ group and I began to see
their true colours which seemed to have been hidden to me because of my
imaginary state of happiness. I realised I wasn't happy and these people weren't my real friends. They weren't benefiting me in anyway nor helping me
get my well-deserved better future.
I leave you with audioslave because this song is brilliant and it reflects my message quite well.
Barbarella
xoxo
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